Song Moment

When I was driving home tonight, "This" by Darius Rucker came on the radio.  Now I have heard this song many times and I do love this song but today it sort of struck me differently, partially because I was thinking about how Tommy is six months old today.  I know it's not the biggest deal to most people but to me it means that my baby is half of a year old and changing so much everyday!!  I already think about his first birthday a lot.....one of those moments when my dad would call me a "neurotic mom". 

The song is just very fitting of everything I've been going through for the past 15 months.  Last May my plan was to move to a bigger city to teach and finally live my "Carrie" life.  I was really interested in moving to Chicago and even looked into renewing my Illinois teaching license.  (I transferred my MI one to IL several years ago when I moved back from Baltimore and was first looking to move there)  Obviously things didn't quite go that way.  The second that I found out that I was pregnant I started making plans for how to come back to Traverse City where all of my family is.  I remember talking to my dad on Friday and telling him that I was not ready to come back and then on Monday (I took the first of four pregnancy tests Saturday night) I called his principal and asked her to get me into the TCAPS teaching pool.   I was determined to come home, hoping for a teaching job but willing to work even retail if it meant being with my family.  In the eight months that followed I moved home, got a new job, learned a new grade level, bought a new car, bought a house, moved in and prepared for a baby....oh yeah, while growing a baby!!  I also had to come to terms with how my life was changing and on an uncharted course.  I always wanted to have kids but not quite yet and obviously in a different situation. 

Truth be told though, I would not have changed everything.  Although I was excited yet very nervous about returning to Traverse City, I am so very glad that I did because I couldn't imagine Tommy growing up anywhere else.   My family is amazing and are so in love with him!  I love to sit back and just watch Tommy with my parents and my brother because he gets so excited when he sees them.  I would have really struggled without all their help both pregnancy and after. 

Sitting here I can't help but think about all that has happened in such a short time.  I have a wonderful job and a beautiful home surrounded by wonderful people and I have the most amazing gift in the world sleeping peacefully in his bed.  I honestly never knew that I could love someone so much but he has changed every part of me.  I've said it before but it's true that I could never understand how much my parents love(d) me until I had Tommy and then I just got it.  I would do anything for that boy for he has brought me so much happiness.  I just can't explain!

As the song states:

Every stoplight I didn't make

Every chance that I did or I didn't take

All the nights that went too far

All the girls (boys in my case) that broke my heart

All the doors that I had to close

All the things I knew but I didn't know

Thank God for all I missed

'Cause it led me here to this

Another line that makes me smile is:

Oh I cried when my momma passed away

And now I got an angel

Looking out for me today

So nothing's a mistake

(Thanks Mom!)